I think almost every manager has finished a conversation at least once convinced that everything was clear. We went through the problem, agreed on what needed to happen, the other person agreed, and there did not seem to be much room for misunderstanding. Then a few days pass and you realise that almost nothing has changed.
For a long time, I saw situations like that quite simply: we agreed, so you know what you need to do. If you did not do it, then the problem is accountability. Today I think the story is often a little more complicated.
“I agree” is not the same as “I own this”
Someone can fully understand what you are saying and agree that something needs to change, while it is still unclear what they will actually do differently. You see this especially in conversations about results, activity or ways of working. “I should do more”, “I need to work on that” or “I understand” all sound fine, but on their own they are not yet an agreement.
Over time, I have started ending conversations less often with “Is everything clear?” and more often with: “What exactly will you do differently?” The answer to that question usually tells me much more about whether we were actually talking about the same thing.
Sometimes it is easier to say “yes” than to say what you really think
Not every conversation is comfortable. If you are talking to someone about a problem, weaker performance or behaviour that needs to change, it is natural for them to want the conversation to end as quickly as possible. In that situation, saying “I understand” is much easier than saying “I disagree”, “I do not know how” or “I think the problem is somewhere else”.
That is why today I would much rather have someone openly tell me they disagree than agree with everything and then carry on exactly as before. Disagreement at least creates room for a real conversation. A false agreement changes nothing.
An agreement without a concrete next step easily stays a good intention
“We need to work on that” is not the same as “By Friday I will do this, this and this.” If it is not clear after the conversation what happens next, by when and how we will know that something has changed, then responsibility does not sit only with the employee.
The manager also needs to make the expectation clear enough. If I end a conversation without a concrete agreement, I can hardly be completely surprised two weeks later that nothing happened.
That does not mean every small thing needs a spreadsheet, a deadline and three checkpoints. But if a topic is important enough to discuss, it should also be important enough for us to know what we are doing after the conversation.
Follow-up is not the same as controlling someone
I think follow-up is sometimes unnecessarily seen as checking up on people or standing over their shoulder. I find it much simpler to see it as a continuation of the agreement.
If we agreed on something, it feels completely normal to ask a few days later: “How is the thing we agreed on going?” Not because I do not trust the person, but because we said we were going to do something.
The problem is when a manager checks nothing for three weeks and then gets frustrated because the situation has not changed. If something matters to us, we need to come back to it.
And sometimes it really is very simple
Of course, not every unfulfilled agreement is the result of poor communication. Sometimes everything was clear, the person knows what they need to do, has the ability to do it and simply did not do what we agreed.
I think it is important to distinguish between three situations: someone who does not know how to do something, someone who did not understand what was expected, and someone who knows and understands but still does not follow through. They are not the same problem, and there is little point in treating them the same way.
If someone lacks knowledge, they need support. If the expectation was unclear, it needs to be clarified. If an agreement is repeatedly and knowingly not followed, then we are no longer talking about understanding. We are talking about accountability.
A good conversation does not end with agreement
Today, a good conversation for me is not one where everyone agrees. It is one where both sides know what happens next, who is responsible for what and when we will look at progress again.
Because “we agreed” sounds good. The real value of an agreement is only visible in what happens afterwards.